HUMOROUS ATHEIST QUOTATIONS
To become a religion it is only necessary for a superstition
to enslave a philosophy.
Religions are what dreams are made of.
Like all religions, the Holy Religion of the Invisible Pink Unicorn is based upon both Logic and Faith. We have Faith that She is Pink; and we Logically know that She is Invisible, because we can't see Her.
The masses are the opium of religion.
Man is quite insane. He wouldn't know how to create a maggot
and he creates Gods by the dozen.
All Gods were immortal.
There is not enough religion in the world
even to destroy the world's religions.
I must believe in Apostolic succession, there being no other way of accounting for the descent of the Pope from Judas Iscariot.
For many, faith is a suitable substitute for knowledge,
as death is for a difficult life.
In religion we believe only what we do not understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that contradicts an incomprehensible one. In that case we believe the former as part of the latter.
Christian humility is preached by the clergy,
but practiced only by the lower classes.
Scratch the Christian and you find the pagan, spoiled.
The Christian lives in a nightmare and thinks it is a pleasant dream.
Reason is, of all things in the world, the most hurtful to a reasoning human being. God only allows it to remain with those he intends to damn, and his goodness takes it away from those he intends to save or render useful in the Church . . . If reason had any part in religion, what then would become of faith?
To the philosophic eye, the vices of the clergy
are far less dangerous than their virtues.
One religion is as true as another.
Whatever a man prays for, he prays for a miracle. Every prayer reduces itself
to this: "Great God, grant that twice two be not four."
Ivan Turgenev (1818-1883) Russian author
"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous
as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin."
Cardinal Bellarmine, 1615, during the trial of Galileo
The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.
We must accept the other fellows religion . . . to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful.
All religions die of but one disease, that of being found out.
A theologian is like a blind man in a dark room searching for a black cat which isn't there - and finding it!
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
It's a happy bishop who hasn't got a saint in his diocese.
It is no accident that the symbol of a bishop is a crook,
and the sign of an archbishop is a double-cross.
It is of course always best to be led by god,
and have him personally whisper into your ear.
Only, when it is the devil talking he will tell you he is god,
for the devil is a crafty liar. So you never know
who is talking to you.
German-born Theologian Franz Bibfeldt
The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity,
and upwards of a thousand lies.
Mark Twain
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the gospels
in praise of intelligence.
Consider the ignorance of the average fundamentalist. Then realize that by definition fully half of them must be even dumber than that.
Christian Fundamentalism: The doctrine that there is an absolutely powerful, infinitely knowledgeable, universe spanning entity that is deeply and personally concerned about my sex life.
Beware when you take on the Church of God.
Others have tried and have bitten the dust.
Bishop Desmond Tutu. (Speech, April 1987)
One of the earliest Christian heresies, which was quickly knocked on the head
(sic) by the church hierarchy, was called Gnosticism, whose adherents claimed to "know" the truth about
God by direct revelation.
Alison Cotes, Theologian, (In "The Courier Mail", 1996)
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